Tough Question

My not quite 4-year-old daughter said to me the other day, "Mom, do you like your curly hair?" I replied that of course I did and asked her why she wanted to know. She then recited, "All girls with curly hair want straight hair. All girls with straight hair want curly hair. Girls always want what they can't have."

While I know I heard that when I was little, I also am positive I would never say that to my daughter. As a feminist, I am trying to raise my daughter with gender-equality ideals. When we read books I often change the pronouns so that "he" and "she" can do the same tasks. I try to be a role-model, along with her dad, that men and women have equal talents, abilities, and intelligence. However, when LuLu said, "Girls always want what they can't have," I realized that LuLu's thoughts about gender will not only come from her family. I started thinking about what her friends at school might have said, the gender-roles she sees in the media, and all the other information her growing brain is absorbing that I have no control over. It was a scary thought.

Without pausing for a second, I immediately responded to LuLu, "I am very happy with my curly hair. I am also happy with my job, I am happy with my house, and I am extremely happy with my family. Not all girls want what they can't have. Lots of girls, including me, are happy with what they have."

I think that was a good response to a tough question, but the problem is I am not sure which one of these ideals will stick with her. While I can model gender equality, the outside influences might win over. I want LuLu to be happy with what she has and to work hard to achieve things she wants. I don't want her life to be filled with wishing for the impossible and missing out on the things that matter most. Hopefully, she will realize that she is an incredible little girl with lots of things to be thankful for.

Here's the link to my incredibly talented friend's photography website: http://daniellerileyphotography.com/